On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
