This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
