She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
