But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
