I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize