god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
