She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
