i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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