honey bunches of taint.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
