She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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