I just pynch a tree in the face
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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