thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
