This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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