yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
