I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
