I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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