what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
