If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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