you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize