That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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