Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
