so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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