so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
