his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
