Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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