we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
