she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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