Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
