In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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