It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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