This is not my ceiling
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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