Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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