i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
did i just pee glitter
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
