I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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