lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
