it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
