Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
