Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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