I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
