Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
