Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
