I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
