just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
