Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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