did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
