Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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