he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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