chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
