Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
