I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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