I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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