I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
