I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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