were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
