he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it's like iHOP with fire
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
