Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
