I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize