do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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