Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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