the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How naked do you want me to be?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
