I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
