You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
