SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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