Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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