She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
