went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
