P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
