I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
