3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize