we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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