2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Fuck appropriateness.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When are your genitals available?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
