even my farts smell like vagina
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
