you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
